My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
