dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
