Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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