I saw his package. It spoke to me.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
