i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
