I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
