My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize