break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
