I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Someone shit on the floor
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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