it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize