i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
My balls are so social today.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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