Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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