If i come over, it means nothing
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
