I like to think it a success when the cops are called
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize