no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
