It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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