i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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