Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
