I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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