im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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