I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
