So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
