Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
It's rum buckets o'clock
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
