Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
We need to get me chipped asap
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
