Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
