She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
