if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
