oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
