I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
