If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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