i need an iv and a liver transplant
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
