All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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