It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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