you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize