Jerry, you need to find god
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Sorry my hands just texted you
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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