Your tits are I can't wait for
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
