i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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