Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
