you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
