on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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