I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
