this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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