i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
