Can i not drive my cunt home
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
