I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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