I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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