did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
