this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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