isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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