Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
it's like heaven, but drunker
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
