As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
