you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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