Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
