College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
