What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Randomize
