only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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