Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
