I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
