If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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