I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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