He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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