Where did you get a picture of my penis
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
