planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
