sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Life is so much better after having sex.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
