yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
they're like a gay fantastic four
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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