i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
