I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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