Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
