i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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