Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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