no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
