It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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