im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
