Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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