toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
