hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
