do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
