I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
did i walk over a car last night?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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