I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
