Please, let me fuck your mom
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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