I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
So. Much. Porn.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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