bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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